1. Everything you do is is filtered through your nervous system.
That means every interaction with a stranger, every conversation with a loved one, and every social media post you encounter has an impact on your nervous system, which is designed to keep you safe and register whether you are in danger. The more we can recognize the state of our nervous systems, the more we can choose to respond instead of reacting. Honing this skill can prevent us from acting like jerks, and help us be nicer people!
2. Trauma is subjective
Did you know that if two people go through the same experience, one can end up with full-blown PTSD, and the other person can walk away more or less unaffected?
That’s because our nervous systems are a composite of everything we’ve gone through in life, and each one is like a fingerprint: completely unique. This is why external observers can’t decide what other people experience as traumatic or — critically - how traumatic an experience is for someone else.
3. Context Matters!
Different people feel safer in different environments. We live in a culture where people from some groups are at a higher risk of physical and emotional violence. A space that feels safe tome as a cis-presenting white woman, for example, may not feel safe for a Black woman. This is why having designated spaces where people in strategically undervalued communities (e.g., BIPOC folks, women, and queer & trans people) can foster connection and safety — and why trainings around implicit bias and microaggressions - are so important.
4. You have a “social nervous system”
As mammals - and especially as humans, we have finely-tuned social nervous systems that assess whether it’s safe to let our guard down around the company we keep. The more we can notice who feels good to be around, and who leaves us feeling drained or uncomfortable, the more we can make choices that support our social nervous systems and overall wellbeing.
5. You’re contagious!
Have you ever felt out of sorts? Upset? Angry? In psychology terms, that’s called dysregulation. And it’s contagious. I call it dysregulation contagion; it’s why being stuck in a car with someone in a bad mood, for example, can leave us in a foul mood, too. That’s the bad news. The good news is that regulation - or being in a relaxed state - is also contagious. And breathing can help. We can leverage the benefits of taking a deep breath by breathing together with other people. When we breathe together with other people, we soothe the social nervous system and often experience exponential benefits when compared with doing breathing exercises on our own.
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